


Bitter Trust

by hunter_king



Series: Supernatural - Wincest [24]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Mentions of Rape, Oral Sex, Slash, Spoilers for Season 1, Swearing, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-20
Updated: 2018-11-20
Packaged: 2019-08-26 10:56:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16680307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hunter_king/pseuds/hunter_king
Summary: Dean went to college instead of Sam. After being abused by his father for 2 years, Sam goes to Dean and asks for help under the pretense of finding their father who isn't actually missing because he misses Dean and wants to be with him again.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the samdean_otp challenge in October 2013  
> Art by evian_fork ([here](https://evian-fork.livejournal.com/145662.html))  
> Beta'd by junkerin

Dean didn’t want to be here. Cassie had dragged him to this damn Halloween party and he wasn’t even enjoying himself. Halloween wasn’t exactly something that Dean celebrated. Growing up the way he did, he just had no interest in parading around in a costume and pretending to be something you weren’t – usually, something scary that you thought wasn’t real. Dean knew better than anyone that those scary things people thought weren’t real were actually out there nine times out of ten. 

Of course, he wasn’t going to share his knowledge with anyone he knew. The Dean his friends knew was just a normal guy who’d had a falling out with his family when he applied for college. They didn’t need to know anything else. Sure, sometimes Dean felt guilty for lying to his girlfriend, but he figured that she was better off not knowing the whole truth. After all, their father had always said it was dangerous for people to know the truth about who they really were, and Dean believed him.

Besides, Dean wasn’t really that person anymore. He’d left that life behind him two years ago when he walked out on his family. His father had been pissed – screaming at him that he was abandoning them when they needed him the most and that if he walked out that door, he should never come back. Well, Dean was doing just that. Sometimes he wondered how his family was doing now, but he wasn’t going to risk losing everything to contact them. For all he knew, they didn’t even want to speak to him. After all, there had been a few choice words spoken on his end and he was under the impression that his father hated him now. And anyone who knew John Winchester knew that the older man could hold a grudge for long periods of time. 

Still, there were days when Dean wondered about his little brother. Sam had been sixteen when he left and Dean still couldn’t forget the look on Sam’s face when he walked out that door. His brother had looked so crushed – like he thought Dean was abandoning him or something. But it had nothing to do with Sam. It was the life that they were forced to live. Their father treated them like warriors and Dean couldn’t handle it anymore. He didn’t care what John said – that wasn’t the life that he thought Mary would want for them. But of course, they couldn’t talk about that because it only pissed their father off.

But he wasn’t going to think about that. His life had been so fucked up before he got out of there and he was glad that it was all behind him. One of these days, he was going to call Sam and he would catch up with the younger man. Maybe he’d call him in a few days – the kid would be turning eighteen soon and Dean would like to see him. Hell, maybe Dean would even throw his little brother an awesome birthday party. That was if Sam even wanted to see him. Dean had no idea how Sam felt about him now that he wasn’t in the life anymore. For all he knew, Sam hated his guts and wanted nothing to do with him. He figured he’d find out soon enough.

Finally, after what seemed like a lifetime – thought it had only been a few hours – Cassie was ready to leave. Dean finished his beer and quickly moved to follow his girlfriend out of the house, smiling when she laced their fingers together as they walked. He made sure to keep an eye open for anything out of the ordinary as they made their way to the apartment they shared off campus. After all, Halloween was a night where things liked to come out to play because they thought they could get away with it. And although Dean may have been out of the life, he wasn’t an idiot – he knew things that went bump in the night struck when you were least expecting it.

They made it to their apartment without incident, thankfully. Once inside, Dean made sure that all of the doors were locked and the windows were closed and latched while he waited for Cassie to get out of the shower. He had promised Luis that he would help him with clean up from the party tomorrow so he wanted to get some sleep before he had to do that. Dean remembered all too well that the last time he helped his friend out, he was the one doing all of the work while Luis complained about the headache he had from drinking too much. Honestly, Dean wasn’t sure why he agreed to help this time – probably because the guy was his best friend and he felt helping out was his duty as a buddy.

Almost as soon as Cassie was out of the shower, she and Dean were in bed. Cassie had exams to study for in the morning, and Dean had to be with Luis all day, so they both needed the rest. Normally, this would have been the part when they stripped each other of their clothing and made passionate love, but Dean just wasn’t in the mood tonight. Going to that party had given him a lot of time to think about his family and how they’d parted – now, he missed Sam even more than ever. The pain was nearly crippling and Dean just wanted to get some sleep and hopefully feel better in the morning.

It couldn’t have been more than two hours since he’d fallen asleep that Dean was awake again. He’d always been a light sleeper and feeling Cassie shift on the bed had him stirring. He was more than content to just go back to sleep, but a noise that sounded an awful lot like a window being unlatched had Dean’s eyes snapping open. Glancing back at Cassie, Dean slowly removed himself from the bed, pulling on a T-shirt as he cautiously crept out of the bedroom. 

Just as he suspected, there was a window in the apartment open – he knew that he’d had it closed before. Out of the corner of his eye, Dean saw a man walk by, Dean quickly moving to one part of the apartment and waiting for the intruder to get closer. As soon as the uninvited guest walked into the room Dean was hiding in, he lunged forward, grabbing the man by the shoulder. His arm was quickly knocked away and a strike was aimed at Dean’s head.

Luckily, leaving home didn’t mean forgetting all of his training, so Dean was able to duck out of the way, his hands going around the arm that came for him, swinging the intruder around and shoving him back. The intruder aimed a kick at his rib cage, but Dean quickly blocked it, shoving the man into another room. Quickly, Dean elbowed the intruder in the face before the man aimed a kick at his head, Dean ducking out of the way. He swung his arm at the intruder only to have that hit blocked as well. Whoever the hell this was, he knew how to fight.

After another failed attempt by the intruder to hit him, Dean was able to get his hand around the man’s wrist, Dean using the hold to knock the intruder on the ground, one hand moving to his neck to pin him there while his other hand still held the wrist tightly in his grasp. Now, he finally got a good look at the man who had broken into his apartment and he was shocked at the face that was staring up at him. “Sam?!” he asked, his eyes almost comically wide. 

Sam was the last person Dean had expected to see here. It was kind of weird at the same time though because he’d just been thinking about his kid brother. “What the hell are you doing here?” he asked, climbing to his feet before taking his brother’s hand, helping the younger man up as well.

As soon as Sam was on his feet again, he felt the overwhelming urge to hug Dean, but he kept his hands to himself. For all he knew, Dean didn’t even want him here. After all, his voice was unreadable right now and Sam was worried that he wasn’t as happy to see Sam as Sam was to see him. “We gotta talk,” Sam answered, cutting right to the chase.

Confused, Dean only managed to gape at Sam for a few minutes before he finally found his voice. “Uh, the phone?” he asked, knowing that if Sam had come all the way out here to see him, it had to be something a little more important than just needing to talk.

Scoffing, Sam asked, “If I’d have called, would you have picked up?” He’d always wanted to call his brother, but their father assured Sam that Dean was done with them. John said that he’d called Dean a ton of times and he’d never answered. Sam knew that his phone calls would have a similar result, so he hadn’t even bothered.

“Don’t give me that shit, Sammy,” Dean shot back with a small frown. “You know that I would have.” He was actually a little shocked that Sam thought he wouldn’t have answered his phone call. Dean hadn’t done anything that he knew of to make Sam think he would ignore him. It kind of made him wonder if maybe the relationship he’d had with Sam before he left was completely gone. God, he hoped not.

Before Sam could answer his brother’s question, a light went on. “Dean?” a woman asked, her sleepy eyes falling on the older Winchester, causing both Sam and Dean to snap their heads towards her.

Apparently, during their scuffle, they’d woken Cassie up. “Cassie, hey,” Dean sighed, frowning at his little brother. She had exams to worry about; she should have been sleeping. Walking towards her and throwing his arm around her waist, Dean explained, “Sam, this is my girlfriend, Cassie.”

A wide smile came to Cassie’s lips when she was introduced to the younger man. “Wait, your brother Sam?” she asked Dean, pointing at Sam and smiling wider when Dean nodded. “It’s nice to meet you, Sam. I’ve heard so much about you.” Although Dean didn’t talk about his family much, when he did talk about them, it was always about Sammy. She felt like she almost knew him already.

Although he really didn’t want to have to deal with this, Sam smiled politely at the woman hanging around his brother’s neck. “Hi,” he greeted, giving her a small nod. “I, um…I have to talk to Dean for a little while. But it was nice meeting you.” He gave Dean a pleading look, silently begging Dean to just come with him.

Of course, Dean had other plans, glaring at the younger Winchester as he shook his head. “No, whatever you have to say, you can say it in front of Cassie,” he argued. He didn’t know what made Sam think he could just barge in here and make him listen to anything he wanted to say after the way he’d just treated him, but he wasn’t going to give in. At least, that was the plan until Sam flashed him those damn puppy dog eyes of his. Again, Dean frowned, his body relaxing as he disentangled himself from Cassie. “I’ll be right back. Sammy and I have to go outside to talk.”

After Dean had gotten some jeans on and pulled on his leather, he jogged down the stairs leading to the back alley behind the apartment building. Sam had explained that their father had been on a hunting trip and he still wasn’t home, but Dean didn’t know why that concerned him. “You can’t just break in, middle of the night, and expect me to hit the road with you,” he griped at Sam who was following close behind him. Sure, he’d been thinking about calling Sam, but that was a far cry from going to find their father. Dean was sure the older man was fine.

Honestly, Sam couldn’t believe that he had to convince Dean to go with him. “You’re not listening to me, Dean. Dad’s missing,” Sam reiterated, frowning at his brother. “I need you to help me find him.” Sam was only eighteen years old – or, almost eighteen – so legally he couldn’t be on his own; not yet anyway. Not that they had ever been much for following the law, but he didn’t want to be alone. Dean was all he had now.

Although Dean could tell that his brother was worried about John, Dean just didn’t see this as an issue right now. Their father had been gone before and he always came back in one piece. “Remember the poltergeist in Amherst?” Dean asked, wondering if maybe Sam had been too young to remember those times their father had been missing. “Or the Devil’s Gate in Cliffton? He was missing then, too. He’s always missing, and he’s always fine.”

Sure, Sam remembered those hunts, but things were different now. Dean was gone and without John, Sam was all alone. So maybe he worried a little too much these days, but he had good reason. “Not for this long,” Sam reminded Dean with a shake of his head. “Now, are you gonna come with me, or not?” He tried to keep his voice confident, but he couldn’t help the little quiver that went through it. If Dean said no, Sam didn’t know what he was going to do.

Dean wanted to say no. He had a life here and he was happy – for the most part, anyway. He’d sworn that he was done hunting for good, and now here Sam was trying to yank him back into it. And that was just the problem – it was _Sam_ with his puppy dog eyes and that pleading voice, practically begging Dean to go with him and make sure their father was okay. Fortunately for Sam, Dean had never mastered the art of saying no to him.

“All right, I’ll go,” Dean finally answered, a small, annoyed frown on his lips. “I’ll help you find him.” He could see the small smile coming to Sam’s lips when he finally agreed, and he had to admit that leaving the campus for a little while was definitely worth it to see his brother happy. Still, Dean had to lay down some ground rules so Sam didn’t think this was more than it actually was. “But don’t think this is me getting back into it, Sam. I’m only going to help you find Dad. After that, I’m out. I’m done.”

Nodding, Sam smiled at his brother, glad that Dean was going to help him. Sure, John may not have been the best father in the world, and given the choice between hanging out with John or being with Dean, Sam would have chosen Dean in a heartbeat. He supposed that he was just going to have to cherish the few days he had with Dean while they found their father and possibly dream about what could have been if Dean had stayed with him. After all, it wasn’t like Sam wasn’t used to dreaming things had turned out differently.

After he’d said his goodbyes to Cassie, Dean made his way out of the apartment, his duffel swung over his shoulder and the keys to his beloved Impala swinging from his index finger. “How’d you even get here, Sammy?” Dean asked as he pulled the driver’s side door open and threw his bag into the back seat. The last time Dean had checked, Sam didn’t have a car. Hell, he wasn’t even sure if Sam had a license yet.

Really, Sam didn’t know why it was important how he’d gotten here. “Um…I took the bus,” Sam answered with a small shrug, folding himself into the passenger seat of the Impala as he waited for Dean to get in. A small part of him was screaming that Dean was pissed off at him for doing this, but there was another part of Sam that couldn’t find it in himself to care. He wanted to see Dean – there was no crime in that.

The bus – Dean hated the bus. He hated that Sam had to use the bus when he wanted to get somewhere that he couldn’t walk to. Those busses weren’t exactly the safest things in the world. Not that Dean didn’t think Sam could take care of himself, but he wished that the younger man didn’t have to put himself in dangerous situations at all. Especially when Dean wasn’t there to make sure he was okay. That had been the hardest thing about leaving for college – Dean wouldn’t be there to make sure Sam was safe. Then again, John was there. Or at least he had been before he apparently disappeared on the younger Winchester.

Once he was situated in the seat, Dean started the Impala. “So, what was Dad hunting?” he asked, figuring that it would give them a lead as to where to start looking at least. They could deal with the what when they established the where.

If he was being honest, Sam didn’t really know where their father was. John didn’t specify where he was going before he took off. He’d just split in the middle of the night without saying a word to Sam. “Um…Jericho, I think,” Sam answered softly, just picking a city that was pretty close to Palo Alto. After all, he knew that Dean wanted to come back, so he was going to make it easy for Dean to get back by the time he had to go to his next class. It wasn’t like he thought Dean was going to stay with him forever or anything. That would have been too much to ask for. Besides, good things like that didn’t happen to Sam – not since Dean had left him.

Jericho – that was only a few hours away. Slowly, Dean eased his way out of the space he was parked in, heading in the direction Sam had told him. The sooner they found John, the sooner Dean could get back to his life. Sure, Cassie was pissed off at him and she may or may not have dumped him, but he was sure that when he got back, he could fix it. Still, that didn’t solve the one problem he was having the most trouble with – Sam.

No matter how much he hated hunting and the way they were raised – and sometimes even his father – Dean couldn’t get over wanting to be with Sam all of the time. It had been that way since they were kids. Ever since Dean had carried Sam out of that fire, he’d felt a deep connection to the younger man. Over the years, he’d learned to hide it, knowing that if anyone found out about his feelings – his more than brotherly feelings – he would probably get his ass kicked by his father – and that was without the older man even knowing the extent of his and Sam’s relationship. But having Sam here with him now again after almost two years, Dean could barely hold back his happiness. 

Still, there was something different about his brother. Sam was a lot quieter than he remembered. And he had been almost desperate for Dean to come with him. Sure, Dean didn’t think it was anything to worry about yet, but he was going to keep an eye on it. After all, if there was something wrong with Sam, Dean wanted to know about it. And he wanted to severely hurt the thing that was making his brother upset.

Sighing, Dean turned on the radio, smiling at Sam as _Metallica_ started blasting through the speakers. He knew his brother wasn’t a huge fan, but Dean also knew that Sam wouldn’t complain. Dean had always told him that the driver picked the music and shotgun shut his cakehole – Sam finally started listening right before Dean went off to college and it seemed that the habit stuck because Sam just rolled his eyes and slid further down into the seat, crossing his arms over his chest.


	2. Chapter 2

About half way through the ride, Sam dozed off, his head resting gently against the window. Dean could remember when they had been younger and Sam would fall asleep in the car and rest his head on Dean’s shoulder. It had been the cutest thing ever and probably right around the time Dean had been dragged in – he’d always loved his brother, but when Sam did things like that, it was almost impossible not to _fall_ in love with him. And his brother had probably known it too, deep down inside. Dean was sure that some of the things Sam did, he only did it because he wanted to see his big brother’s reaction to it. 

Those had been the good old days. The days before Dean had even been thinking about college and was just helping out with the hunts when he could. When he and Sam had been left alone in one too many motels together late at night and they were both climbing off the walls and they just needed to blow off some steam – Dean still remembered their first time. Sam had been fourteen when it happened. Nothing big – just a quick hand job shared between the two of them. But it had been the most amazing thing Dean had ever experienced up to that point.

It wasn’t until Dean was about to leave for college that he and Sam had actually gone all of the way and had sex. Sam had been sixteen and he’d just looked so fucking broken when Dean stormed out of the house after he and his father had that big fight. Sam had followed him and climbed into the Impala before Dean could drive away, refusing to let his brother just leave without saying good bye to him. They’d driven to a motel room about ten miles away from the current house they had been squatting in and made love for hours. 

Because it had been Sam’s first time, Dean had made sure to take special care not to hurt the younger boy. And Sam had been so fucking tight – he’d been perfect. After they’d calmed down from their orgasms, Dean just held Sam in his arms while the boy cried and begged him not to leave. Of course, Dean had promised that he and Sam would see each other and that nothing was going to change, but after he left, Sam never called. And the phone number that Dean had for his little brother had been disconnected, so there was no way for Dean to get into contact with him even if he tried. 

Sure, he could have called their father, but he had been stubborn and figured that Sam wouldn’t have been with the gruff older hunter anyway, so there was no point. His brother had made his choice, and Dean had vowed to just leave Sam alone if that’s what he wanted. Still, he hadn’t been able to forget that night, no matter how much he tried. Sam had been the best he’d ever had and he couldn’t just forget something like that – even if Sam wanted nothing to do with him.

But that was all in the past. And Dean needed to learn how to keep himself from travelling back there. Some nights, the only way he could be with Cassie was to pretend that she was Sam – he was working on it, though. Cassie was a nice girl and he really did like her. But no one could compare to Sam. He wasn’t sure why – he’d loved his brother all his life and apparently, no matter how hard he tried to move on, he wasn’t going to get that satisfaction. Yet, there was still the issue of Sam not wanting anything to do with him anymore. At least that’s what Dean was taking from Sam’s lack of contact over the last two years.

When they arrived in Jericho, Dean realized that his baby needed gas, so he pulled into the first station he saw. “Hey Sammy,” he whispered softly, shaking the younger man in an attempt to rouse him from his sleep. “Sam, do you wanna get up now?” If Sam didn’t wake up and use the bathroom, Dean didn’t want to hear it when he had to go later. Dean wasn’t going to stop after five minutes so Sam could take a leak when he could have gone here. 

“Hmm?” Sam asked softly, eyes peering up at Dean as he blinked rapidly. He almost asked why Dean was here, but then he remembered the night before – he’d gone to get his brother and Dean had come with him on the notion that their father was missing and doing some kind of hunt in Jericho. And Sam wasn’t going to let the older man know any differently until he knew he had to let Dean get back to school. “Where are we?” he mumbled instead, stretching out as much as his tall frame would allow in the car.

Shrugging, Dean answered, “Some gas station in Jericho. I figured if you had to hit the head, you should go now while I fill up the car.” A small smile came to his lips when Sam pushed himself out of the car and headed into the station, brushing up against Dean when he walked past. God, Dean could _smell_ Sam and he smelled the same he had that night he’d lost his virginity to him, and it was perfect. But no, he wasn’t thinking about that – he couldn’t afford to think like that.

Instead, Dean focused on how much he was dreading this damn hunt. He wasn’t even sure if they found John, he’d want to talk to him. After all, they hadn’t exactly left of the best of terms and John Winchester knew how to hold a grudge better than anyone Dean knew. Dean would be willing to bet money on the fact that his father was still pissed at him about leaving. And if he was, then Dean was sure there were going to be sparks flying when they finally came face-to-face again after two years.

It was too late to back out of this now though. Dean had already left school and told Sam he would help him look. But he hadn’t been clear about needing to be back so he could make his classes. He had finals that were coming up and he hadn’t worked his ass off this semester to just not show up for the final exams. He made a mental note to explain to Sam that he had to be back at school by Monday before he started filling up the tank. But they were going to do things differently this time. He was going to have Sam’s number programmed into his phone again and they were going to stay in contact.

A small smile came to his lips when Sam stepped out of the gas station, the older Winchester having just hung up the pump. Sam had always been really good with timing. Once they were both in the car, Dean suggested, “So, I figure that we can drive for about another hour and get into the heart of the town before we find a place to stay. And then maybe we can get some breakfast, or something?”

Sam hadn’t really thought they were going to be staying long enough to get a room, but if that’s what Dean wanted, Sam wouldn’t argue. Smiling slightly, Sam nodded, letting his brother know that he was in. “Yeah, that sounds good,” he answered, getting into a comfortable position for the rest of the ride. His back was already sore from being in one place for so long, though he was grateful they’d stopped at the gas station so he could stretch his legs. It was only another hour though, so he wasn’t going to complain about it to Dean.

The drive was quiet for the most part, Dean listening to his classic rock music and Sam just staring out the window. He didn’t think that John Winchester had ever been in Jericho honestly, but he didn’t care. He was going to let Dean off the hook by Monday anyway so he could get back to his classes. If Sam was being totally upfront, he actually kind of liked that John had high tailed it away from him. Sure, it meant that he was all alone, which he hated, but it also meant that he didn’t have to deal with the older man.

Since Dean had left, things weren’t all that great. John was pissed off all of the time and when he wasn’t throwing himself in his work, he was throwing punches – at _Sam_. Apparently, it was Sam’s fault that Dean had left for school. Sam wasn’t sure how that was the case, but he’d taken it. He took John’s words to heart every time and he didn’t even try to block the hits that came. After all, this was his father and he needed to be the obedient little son that John Winchester wanted. He couldn’t step out of line because he was scared about what John might do if he did.

Nights when John came home drunk were the worst though. The man had a tendency to become violent, and there was no one other than Sam to take that violence out on. It started out with just punching and kicking – verbal abuse was also a tactic he liked to use to break Sam down and make him think he had no one in the world other than John. However, the real minute he broke was when John shoved him onto the dirty motel mattress face first and raped him – Sam had been his good little son since then.

Now though, John was gone and Sam couldn’t help but feel a little grateful about it. Being alone sucked, but it sure beat getting the shit kicked out of his almost every week and then getting raped when John was feeling particularly horny. And now he wasn’t alone. At least for the next forty eight hours, he had Dean. Sam was going to take advantage of that as much as he possibly could. After all, he and Dean hadn’t exactly been in contact with each other as much as Sam would have liked, and although his brother had a girlfriend now, that didn’t mean Sam was just going to forget everything that happened between them the night Dean left. He couldn’t forget.

He’d been so lost in his thoughts that he hadn’t even realized the car had stopped until Dean slammed his door shut and leaned into the window, staring at him expectantly. “You comin’ or what, Sammy?” Dean asked, a small concerned frown on his lips. His brother wasn’t acting right and it scared Dean. He was going to have to get to the bottom of that before he went back to school. But right now, he needed to get coffee and food into his system as well as tell Sam that he wasn’t going to be staying with his past Monday. This was going to be a fun conversation – _not_.

Once they were in the diner, it didn’t take long for them to be seated, Sam giving the hostess a small smile when she explained that their waitress would be with them shortly. He took a few minutes to peruse the menu, figuring the house pancakes were going to be his best bet. After all, he didn’t necessarily like those greasy sausage biscuit breakfasts the diners tried to pass off as food, even if Dean acted like they were God sent, or something. 

Again, he smiled at the waitress when she came to get their order, letting her know that he wanted a coffee with two creams and the pancake special. Not surprisingly, his brother ordered a black coffee and the special, which was basically grease rolled in grease with a side of fat. Sam honestly didn’t understand how his brother stayed in shape the way he did. Dean probably did some hardcore working out now that he was out of the life and wasn’t getting his cardio in from running away from all of the monsters they saw during any given month.

When the waitress left to put in their order, Dean worked through his speech in his head. Sam needed to know that they weren’t going to be able to be together until they found their father. Well, unless they miraculously found John here in Jericho, and then everything would be fine. But he figured that his brother would be a lot easier to handle once he had some pancakes in him, so he might as well wait until their food arrived. After all, the last thing he wanted was for Sam to make a scene here. And he knew the younger man was capable of it. When they had been kids, Sam had always been the one to get in trouble for ‘causing a scene.’ The boy had been too opinionated and he argued with their father about every little thing. 

Deep down, Dean had secretly loved it. He was always the one who would blindly follow John no matter what he did. If John said jump, Dean would ask how high. At least that was until he met his English teacher in his senior year. She’d told Dean that he could be anything he wanted as long as he applied himself and put his mind to it. So, he worked hard and he got great grades, almost rivaling the scores of his geeky little brother, in fact. And when the time came to apply for college, Dean put his application into Stanford, and he got in. He’d been so excited that he let it slip while John was home and then all Hell broke loose.

John got pissed off because Dean wanted to leave the life of hunting and further his education so he could have a normal life someday. When he didn’t back down and he assured John that he was doing this and there was nothing John could do about it, he told him to leave and never come back – so that’s what Dean had done. But he was having trouble staying away when his little brother came to his apartment and all but begged for him to jump back in. Dean had already been thinking about Sam too much over the last few days and then him showing up was as though it was a gift from the Gods.

Of course, Dean was sure that their father was fine. He was probably just off recovering from a hunt or getting himself plastered. Dean liked to think that if something was seriously wrong with the older Winchester, he and Sam would have known about it. Then again, maybe that was just a fairytale and their dad was lying in a ditch somewhere. Maybe John was already a spirit and he was living out his afterlife as one of the things he hunted. Wouldn’t that have just been ironic? But no, Dean wasn’t going to let himself think like that. John was fine – he had to be.

Before he knew it, their food had arrived, Dean instantly digging in. Damn, he was starving. He hadn’t realized how hungry he was until that delicious sandwich was staring him right in the face. His coffee, which had been half gone was now completely full again, and Dean had the nerve to talk to Sam about what was going to happen now. “Sammy, listen,” he started, taking another swig from his coffee. “I really want to help you find Dad, but I have final exams starting on Monday and I have to be there.” He could see the hurt in Sam’s eyes, but he wanted to make sure his brother knew he wasn’t ditching him right this second. “But I can stay until then. I just have to be back at my apartment by midnight on Monday. If we don’t find him by then, maybe you can come meet me again when this semester is over and we can keep looking.”

Sam knew it was coming. He had hoped that Dean would at least stay with him a little while, but he’d never allowed himself to believe that he and Dean were going to stay like this forever. His brother had moved on and he was in school – trying to make a normal life for himself with his girlfriend and his new apartment. There was just no room in Dean’s life for Sam anymore, and the younger man should have seen it before. However, when Dean explained that he could stay with him until Monday, Sam felt a spark of hope flying through him. He had assumed Dean would be leaving then anyway for class, so maybe he was reading into this the wrong way.

And then Dean even went further and suggested that once classes were over, he and Sam could continue to look if they hadn’t found John. That was great! Sam wanted that more than anything. He wanted to spend as much time as he possibly could with his brother because he loved him – he tried so hard to forget about everything that had happened between them and to just not be in love with his brother, but Sam couldn’t help it. He loved Dean and there was nothing he could do to make those feelings go away. “Um…y-yeah, okay,” Sam answered with a small shrug, playing it off as though he wasn’t the happiest man alive right now. 

That was it?! No arguing, no fighting, no pleading for him to stay? Sam was fine with him leaving for Monday? He found that hard to believe. Obviously, there had to be a catch. It was there, hiding somewhere in Sam’s eyes and Dean wanted to know what it was. “Really?” he asked, his disbelief clear in his voice. “You’re fine with me leaving before we find Dad?” At Sam’s nod, Dean frowns once more, still unable to believe it. “Why? I mean, you came to get me and you’re fine with me going back even if we don’t find him?”

Shrugging, Sam explained, “I already figured that you’d be going back to classes when I came to get you. I mean, I didn’t expect for you to give up on your career just so we could find Dad. And…I was hoping that you would come back when you were done with your classes, but I wasn’t going to push you into anything.” Sam bit his lip as he leaned across the table a little further, placing his hand over his brother’s and giving it a gentle squeeze. “I-I miss you, Dean. I didn’t come here just to ask if you would help me find Dad. I came here to see you, too.”

Sam’s admission nearly broke Dean. He missed his brother too. God, he missed him so much. And if it hadn’t been for their father telling him not to come back, he probably would have gone to see Sam. But after they stopped talking, Dean thought Sam wanted nothing to do with him, so he just gave up until he cooked up the plan to get together for his brother’s birthday maybe. “I miss you too, Sammy,” he smiled softly before pulling his hand away and giving his head a small shake. “But that doesn’t mean I started having chick flick moments, so ease up.” Dean had never been big on sharing his feelings and shit, so the conversation had started to get awkward.

As soon as they were finished with their breakfast, they were back on the road. Under Dean’s instruction, Sam made some calls to the local police station and the hospital, checking to see if anyone fitting their father’s description had been taken in. It was a bust, but at least Dean was now at ease, knowing nothing really bad could have happened to him in this town. Of course, Sam wasn’t so sure. After all, he didn’t even know if John was in this town, so there was a chance he could still be lying dead somewhere on the other side of the country. But Sam was a Winchester and he knew his luck couldn’t be that good.

Well, now he felt kind of bad for thinking that way. His father treated him like dirt more often than not these days, but that didn’t mean he wanted him to be dead. Seriously injured and holed up in a hospital for a few weeks, sure, but not dead. After all, John was still his father and Sam still loved him – even after everything that had happened to him. At least he thought he still did, anyway. There were times when he wasn’t sure how he felt about John, but most of the time, he liked to think that he was a good enough son to still love his father no matter what evils he committed against Sam.

After driving for another few miles, Dean suggested that they get themselves a room where they can lay low and try to figure out what’s going on with this town. So far, they had been to a gas station and a diner – two places where gossip isn’t all that hard to find – and there was nothing. No one had even said anything about information that might lead them to believe there’s a hunt in this town. Of course, Dean knows there’s a chance that the people just don’t know about it yet, but it’s unlikely. This whole thing was just confusing. Especially the way Sam was acting now – closed off and quiet, always seeming as though he’s lost in his own thoughts. It’s not like Sam and it has Dean very worried.

But he didn’t want to push, figuring they could get a room and just work it out there. Maybe once they were in a motel room – a familiar place for the two of them – Sam would lighten up. His kid brother had never been one to really cut loose and enjoy himself in a new town, after all. Dean was probably just looking into something that wasn’t even there. He was more than likely just acting like a freak about this because he hadn’t seen Sam in two years and he was worried about him. Not a day went by when he didn’t worry about his little brother. It had always been that way – it was hardwired into his brain and there was nothing Dean could do about it.

Once they had a room, Dean flopped down onto one of the beds, kicking off his boots as he started searching through the papers to see if he could find anything that pointed at the theory there was a hunt in this town. Unfortunately, he didn’t find a damn thing, leading him to believe that either Sam’s facts were off, or he’d lied about where John had been going. And since he wanted to give his brother the benefit of the doubt, he was going to ask before he just jumped to conclusions. “Sammy, are you sure that Dad came here?” he inquired, making sure to keep his eyes on Sam the whole time, gauging his brother’s reactions.

The question caught Sam off guard, the younger man giving his brother a small frown. “I…uh, yeah,” he answered, wanting to keep up the rouse that his father was here on a hunt. Of course, he wasn’t an idiot. He could tell that Dean wasn’t seeing the signs of any hunt and he was getting suspicious. But Sam couldn’t tell the truth now. He could just come out and say that he had only come to find Dean because he had missed the older man and he was going crazy with their father alone. And he sure as hell couldn’t tell Dean that he was worried that if he stayed there much longer, their father was finally going to kill him.

So, instead, he kept lying. “Yeah, Dean, he said he was coming to Jericho. B-But he didn’t tell me what he was hunting.” Without realizing it, Sam’s legs started bouncing, letting his brother on to the fact that he was nervous – and Sammy being nervous meant that he was lying and he had a good feeling that he was going to get caught in the act. “Maybe…he already took care of it and he moved on. I mean, we might be too late. He did leave about three days ago. M-Maybe I overreacted because he didn’t check in.”

That was possible. Dean knew that was definitely a possibility, but he couldn’t help but wonder why his brother seemed so nervous. Why the younger man was acting like he had done something wrong and he was waiting for the cops to haul him into an interrogation room and tear him a new one. There was only one explanation that Dean could see, and he didn’t like it. Sam was lying to him. Sighing, Dean scooted onto the edge of the bed a bit more, pressing his hand against Sam’s knee and effectively stopping Sam from bouncing it again. “Why are you lying to me, Sammy?” Dean asked, his eyes locked on his brother’s, silently begging for an explanation. If something bad had happened, Dean wanted to know, dammit! John was his father too!

He couldn’t do this. Eventually, he’d known Dean was going to find out the truth, but he’d been hoping that he would have had more time. His brother was too smart though – he read into the signs too well and he read Sam’s expressions and his actions even better. Shaking his head, Sam quickly apologized, “I’m sorry, Dean. I just…I missed you so damn much and I just wanted to see you. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have bothered you.”

Without giving Dean a chance to answer, Sam pushed himself off the bed and ran out the door, ignoring his brother’s shouts for him to stop. He couldn’t stay there. Now Dean knew that he’d lied to him and he just couldn’t face his brother after that. He was useless – he couldn’t even be on his own for a few days without running to Dean and breaking down. Sure, he missed him, but that was no excuse for bothering the older man in his new, happy life. Sam was such a fucking idiot!

“Sammy, stop!” Dean shouted, cursing under his breath when his brother didn’t listen to him. Dean couldn’t understand why Sam had lied, but he hadn’t wanted the younger man to run off like that. And even if there wasn’t a hunt in this town, he still didn’t want his brother running off by himself – demons and supernatural things weren’t the only thing in this world people had to ear, unfortunately. Quickly, Dean shoved his feet into his boots and took off after his brother, wanting to get to the bottom of this whole debacle.


	3. Chapter 3

Sam shoved his hands into his pockets and hunched his shoulders, trying to make himself seem smaller than he actually was. And that was quite a feat since he was six foot four. But he didn’t care – his brother knew that he wasn’t there because their father was missing, so now Sam could only imagine what Dean was thinking. He probably thought that Sam was some lovesick teenager who was trying to come back for him after their one night of passion. And sure, maybe Sam had been hoping that when he got to Dean’s apartment Dean would be alone and they could maybe get back together – that ended when Cassie came out of the bedroom.

He just wanted to get out of here. Maybe if he could get a ride to the bus station, he could get back to the motel John had left him at and just wait for the older man to get back. Obviously, John was going to come back – he wouldn’t just leave Sam behind. Eventually, he was going to need his punching bag, and Sam was happy to oblige. After all, it was obvious that Dean wanted nothing to do with him anymore. He had Cassie now, and apparently that night before he left for Stanford meant nothing to his brother. 

It didn’t matter though – Sam would always remember it, and he’d forget all about today. Sam would just leave the memory of his brother to that night when they were together in that no-name motel and forget all about seeing Cassie and making a fool out of himself when Dean finally realized that this had nothing to do with John Winchester being missing and everything to do with Sam missing his big brother. Yeah, that was going to be easy. All he had to do was get out of here and he could start forgetting.

The first set of headlights he saw, Sam stuck his thumb out, hoping like hell that the driver would stop and let him in. The next bus station was about ten miles away, and Sam was just too exhausted to walk that far. Not to mention that it was the middle of the night and it was kind of chilly. Sure, his jacket offered some warmth, but for some reason, Sam felt like he was freezing to death. Maybe it was just because of the embarrassment he was feeling at the moment. He just wasn’t sure about anything right now. 

When he realized that the man inside the car looked like he was twenty years older than him and a major pervert, Sam wasn’t sure that he had thought this whole thing through. He should have just left, but the car that pulled up behind the man offering to give him a ride stopped him in his tracks. Sam wanted to get into the car, but he was frozen to the spot. Dean was here – Sam would recognize those headlights anywhere. 

Before Sam knew what was happening, Dean was in front of him, pushing him away from the car he had just been about to climb into. “What the hell are you doin’ Sammy?” Dean asked with a small frown, almost unable to believe that Sam was going to climb into a car with a stranger. “Don’t _ever_ run off on me again, do you hear me?!” He was pissed. Dean couldn’t believe that Sam had honestly thought about leaving the state without Dean. Sam was the one who dragged him here and he was going to ditch him? No, that wasn’t okay.

“Do you want a ride or not, kid?” the man asked, his eyes raking over Sam’s body hungrily. But it didn’t matter how attractive the kid was, he wasn’t going to stay here and wait for him forever. He had a family to get back to and if he didn’t get home at a decent hour, his wife was going to be on his ass again. No wonder he had to go out and find it from other people. The woman was a damn bitch.

Angrily, Dean turned on the man, glaring at him. He knew exactly what he was thinking and Dean didn’t like it one bit. “No, he doesn’t,” he spat, slamming the man’s door shut and continuing to glare at him until he pulled away. Once the man was gone, Dean turned his full attention back to Sam again, gripping the younger man’s biceps and shoving him against the wall of the bridge. “Don’t you ever fucking do that to me again, Sam. Do you understand me?”

All Sam could do was nod, flinching against his will when Dean moved his hand. He knew that his brother wouldn’t hit him – he wasn’t like their father – but he was just so used to getting hit. “I’m sorry Dean,” Sam mumbled, giving his head a small shake as he gripped his brother’s shirt in his fist, just reassuring himself that Dean was here. “I didn’t mean to bother you while you were at school, but I just…missed you so much. And Dad said you wouldn’t answer the phone when we called, so I didn’t try and I just couldn’t stay away.”

He could tell that Dean was going to say something, but Sam wanted to get all of this out before Dean rejected him. “But when I saw Cassie, it just messed everything up so I had to tell you something else, and Dad hasn’t been home in a while, but he took off without telling me anything. I wasn’t really looking for him because I figured he’d come back when he was ready. I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to take you away from your new girlfriend, and your new life, but I just…I couldn’t stay away Dean. Please, forgive me? Please?”

How the hell could Dean say anything to that? He’d missed Sam too and there was no way that he could just forget about everything that happened between them. And if what Sam was saying meant what he was taking it to mean, then Dean was just going to go for it and deal with the repercussions later. But right now, he needed to get his brother back to the motel, and he wanted to make the younger man sweat a little bit. After all, it was only fair since Sam had lied to him. “Get in the car, Sam,” he ordered, pulling the passenger door open and waiting for Sam to climb in.

Dean didn’t wait to pull off the bridge and drive them back to the motel. It wasn’t too far away, and he could see Sam fidgeting in the seat beside him. It brought a small smirk to his lips because he knew that when they got back to the motel, Sam would know that he wasn’t mad. He was actually happy. His brother had just come to see him and Dean was so damn happy, there weren’t even words for it. 

Pulling into the parking lot, Dean climbed out of the car, waiting for Sam to get out of the car before heading to their room. As soon as Sam had the door closed, Dean attacked him, pushing his little brother against the door and crushing their lips together. Sam gasped in shock and Dean took the opportunity to shove his tongue into the younger man’s mouth, teasing Sam’s tongue to play with his own. Damn, he missed this. Cassie was great and all, but she could never compare to his little brother.

“God, missed you so much too, Sammy,” he breathed against the younger man’s lips when their kiss broke. “Missed you so damn much. Thought about you every day.” Again, he devoured Sam’s lips, not wanting the younger man to push him away, or something like that, until he had his fill of Sam. And that could be a while. “Couldn’t understand why I couldn’t get ahold of you on your phone. Thought you wanted nothing to do with me after I left.”

No, it wasn’t that at all. John had taken that phone and smashed it because he was worried that Sam was going to follow in his brother’s footsteps. The other man had insisted that Sam stay and hunt with him because the thing that killed their mother needed to be stopped. And Sam wanted to find it and kill it, but so far, they had nothing. And Sam had wanted nothing more than to go find Dean and be with him. But he didn’t want to let Dean know about the phone, so he merely shrugged, thinking up the best lie he could make at such short notice. “Got smashed on a hunt, Dean. Lost your number and Dad kept forgetting to give it to me. And you’re not listed in the Palo Alto phone book either.”

He groaned in pleasure once more when Dean kissed him again, Sam gladly kissing Dean back. God, it was so good. But he couldn’t help but think about Cassie in the back of his mind. Dean was with her now – this was cheating and Dean shouldn’t do it. On the one hand, Sam wanted to stop Dean and remind him of that; on the other hand, Sam had Dean first, so really, it was just like he was taking back what belonged to him in the first place. Unfortunately, his need to not hurt someone’s feelings won out and Sam was gently pushing Dean away. “D-Dean…stop,” he mumbled, giving his head a small shake. “What about Cassie?”

Cassie? Oh yeah, his girlfriend. She wasn’t Sam, though. And sure, they may have still be together for now, but Dean was planning on breaking it off as soon as he got back to the campus. For now, he just wanted to enjoy his time with Sam. “Sammy, who cares about Cassie?” he whispered against the younger man’s skin. “Just wanna be with you right now. Gonna break up with Cassie when I get back, but I don’t wanna wait for you. Please?”

How could Sam say no to that? He wanted Dean just as much as his brother wanted him apparently, and he wasn’t going to deny his brother anything. “Y-Yeah,” Sam answered with a small nod. “I want you to. But…you have to promise – as soon as you get back, Cassie isn’t your girlfriend anymore. If you want me, you have to want me for more than one night.” Sam had wanted the words to come out more authoritative than they did, but instead it was more like a plea. And Dean noticed that, unfortunately.

Cupping his brother’s cheek, Dean’s fingers playing with the soft strands of Sam’s shaggy hair, he explained, “Sammy, I’ve always wanted you for more than one night. But you were still in school, and you couldn’t come to college with me.” That wasn’t saying that Dean hadn’t thought about it. He was sure there had been a high school around Palo Alto – there had to be – and he had been so tempted to bring Sam with him. But then John would have been alone, and he wasn’t sure he could live with himself for that. After all, he was already leaving – he didn’t need to take Sam with him. John had already lost enough.

Sam didn’t think as he surged forward, capturing Dean’s lips with his own and plundering his brother’s mouth. God, it felt so good to be able to kiss him again. Almost like Sam had been starving and now he was eating the most delicious food he had ever tasted. Yeah, that was Dean in a nutshell. His hands grabbed at Dean’s shirt, pulling at the fabric in his desperate attempt to get it off his brother’s body. He didn’t want anything to be separating them. Sam wanted to be able to feel Dean against him and enjoy it.

He groaned in protest when Dean pulled away, causing Dean to chuckle softly. “Calm down Sammy,” he whispered, nipping at the younger man’s lips. “M’just gonna get us undressed. Want that don’t you?” Again, he chuckled when Sam nodded vigorously in response. Yeah, he knew his brother wanted that. Once his shirt was off, Dean pulled at Sam’s shirt, tossing it onto the growing pile of clothes. Yeah, this was definitely going to be great.

Dean was just about to go back in for another kiss when his eyes caught the skin of Sam’s torso, causing Dean to gasp softly as he pulled back, his hands gently reaching for Sam. God, what the hell?! Sam’s body was covered in bruises – it looked like someone had used him as a fucking punching bag! And then it hit Dean. The way his brother had been acting – like he was afraid of being hit all of the time and his new quiet nature. Someone had been abusing Sam, and Dean wanted to know who. “What the hell happened to you, Sam?” he asked, jade eyes filled with determination and locked on Sam.

Shit! Sam had forgotten all about the deep purple and yellow marks covering his torso. John had attacked him before he left on this hunt and Sam had been hoping Dean would never have to know. But it was a little late for that now. “Dean…I…wait, I can explain,” Sam stumbled over his own words, gripping Dean’s wrist so his brother couldn’t get away in case he tried. The last thing Sam wanted was for Dean to bolt on him. “It was a hunt. A poltergeist threw me around pretty badly, but we stopped it, and I’m fine.” 

It was the only thing Sam could think of to do. He couldn’t tell Dean the truth about what had actually happened to him because he didn’t want Dean to know about the horrible evil things John had done to Sam. And sure, Sam could have defended himself, but this was their father. He hadn’t wanted to fight back – well, not until the night he raped him. Sam had fought like hell that night, but to no avail. It had still happened, and there was no way Sam wanted Dean to know about that.

No way – Dean couldn’t believe it. Sam was lying to him. The younger man never really lied to Dean, but now this was two since they got back together. “Sammy, stop lying to me,” he ordered with a deep frown on his lips. “I know what it looks like when you’re thrown around on a hunt. I can tell the difference between getting your ass kicked by a spirit and getting your ass kicked by something else. Now, tell me the truth.”

Honestly, Sam hadn’t thought that was going to work, but it had been a valiant attempt, he supposed. And he knew that Dean wasn’t going to let it go. Dean was going to make him talk, and Sam knew it. Still, that didn’t mean he had to say anything about the rape. He could just tell Dean about the beatings and everything would be fine. Sure, Dean would probably be mad and lose a little respect for John, but it wouldn’t be as bad as if Dean knew about the rape. Sighing, he covered his eyes with his hand and answered in a small voice, “It was Dad.”

For a minute, Dean thought that Sam was going to try to lie to him again, but when Sam covered his eyes, Dean knew he was getting the truth. It must have been pretty bad for Sam to lie to Dean about it and now he was definitely interested in who had done this to his little brother. He was going to tear that person apart – the bastard would be lucky if he could still feel his limbs when Dean was done with him. Sam’s voice was almost inaudible though, so Dean had to lean in close to hear him, and again, Dean thought he may have been mistaking.

Their father? No, John wouldn’t do that. He was supposed to protect Sam, not hurt him. Sammy was his son – there was no way he would abuse him like this. Then again, why else would Sam come for him? Why else would Sam want to lie to him about what had happened to him? If he really thought about it, that made the most sense. His father had attacked his brother and Dean hadn’t been there to keep Sam safe. 

He was going to be sick. Dean might as well have done this to Sam himself because he had just left the younger man in the hands of his father. He had been dumb enough to believe that John would keep Sam safe, when in reality he had done the absolute opposite. John had hurt Sam, and Dean wasn’t going to let him get away with this. Dean was going to make John pay for what he had done, and he was going to enjoy it. No one hurt his brother and got away with it. But first, Dean had to let Sam know that he was sorry and that he wasn’t going to ever let anything like this happen to him again.

“Sammy,” he whispered, rubbing his hands up and down his brother’s arms. “I’m so sorry, baby. I should have never left you with him. If I’d have thought for one second that he was going to hurt you, I would have taken you with me. You know that, right?” When Sam nodded, Dean returned the gesture, a small sad smile on his lips. God, Sam’s skin was so bruised and Dean just wanted to take away all of Sam’s pain. “I’m gonna make this up to you, though, all right? I can fix this. Starting with not letting him get anywhere near you ever again. I’m gonna keep you safe.”

From now on, Sam was Dean’s responsibility. He was going to keep Sam away from John no matter what he had to do. After all, they still had options. Even if Sam wanted to keep hunting, Dean could get another apartment and they could live together there and everything would be fine. Dean could finish school and Sam could have a chance to go to college if that’s what he wanted. They could make a lie for themselves and everything would be perfect. All Dean had ever wanted was to be with Sam and be able to make a life for themselves. He could make that happen – everything was going to be all right.

Sam wanted to cry. His brother knew the truth, to an extent anyway, and he still wanted to be with him. “Dean,” he whimpered, his bottom lip quivering as he leaned into his brother’s chest. “I’m sorry. I didn’t come here to make you take care of me again. I just…I wanted to see you. I didn’t think this was going to happen. If-If you don’t want to be with me, that’s fine. I can just leave and you can go back to Cassie. I don’t…want to disrupt your life.”

Anger flared through Dean when Sam spoke as though he was a burden on him, or something. “Sammy, stop it,” he ordered, giving Sam a good shake. “Stop talking like you’re a pain in my ass, or something. I’m doing this because I love you. Because I want to take care of you and be with you. I wanna make sure you’re safe and I want you to stay with me. We can get an apartment close to campus and you can enroll into college if you want to. We can be normal, Sam – live apple pie lives and not have to worry about any of that shit we were taught about when we were kids. I know how much you wanted to be a lawyer when you were little – always arguin’ with everyone about something. You can have that now.”

Yeah, that sounded great. Sam wanted that so badly. But right now, he didn’t want to think about anything other than being with Dean. It had been so long, and Sam hadn’t been able to think of anything other than being with his brother and now that he was so close to having that, he wasn’t going to stop just because Dean saw how bruised his body was. He wanted to continue what they had been doing and he wasn’t going to let Dean tell him no. “I want that…really badly,” Sam answered with a nod, leaning in and crushing his lips against Dean’s. “But right now…there’s something else I want more.”

At first, Dean was confused, however, when Sam took his hand and pressed it over his hard cock. Even through the denim, Dean could almost feel how hot his brother’s flesh was. “Oh God yes,” Dean moaned, pressing his head against Sam’s forehead, biting into his bottom lip as he gave Sam’s dick a squeeze through his jeans. “Gonna make you cum so hard for me, baby.”

Without thinking, Sam pushed himself off the bed and pressed one hand against Dean’s chest, shoving his brother back against the mattress so he was lying down, Sam’s body blanketing Dean’s. He pressed their dicks together and started rubbing his hips against Dean’s, moaning softly as he felt Dean’s dick grow hard under him. “Yes, Dean, please,” Sam panted out. “Want that so bad, please?”

Feeling Sam against him like this, two years, with the younger man grinding all over him like a dog in heat made Dean hotter than he ever thought possible. Well, that was until the begging started, causing him to grow hard in his jeans. Nodding, he licked his lips, cupping Sam's cheeks in his hands as he coaxed his brother to open his beautiful hazel eyes. "Yeah, Sammy, it's okay. I'm going to take care of you. Don't worry." 

A smile passed his lips when he saw Sam nod, letting Dean know that he understood what he was saying. Dean's hands slid down Sam's chest, popping the fastenings of his brother’s jeans, tucking his thumbs into the waistband of both jeans and briefs, tugging the material down as far as he could without Sam moving. After all, it didn't seem like the younger man was going to get off him until he was relieved, so this was just going to have to do.

Suddenly, it occurred to Dean that there was no lube in this motel. Damn it! This was not going to go over well with Sam. Not at all. "Baby," Dean whispered, cupping Sam's chin and forcing him to look into Dean's eyes. "There's no lube in the room. Can't...make love to you. Not here, not now." Placing his hands on Sam's chest, he gently began pushing him off so he could make a quick run to the gas station across the street. “I can run across the road to the gas station. They have some there, I bet. It’ll only take a minute."

Hearing Dean tell him there was no lube in the room and that he couldn't do it here and now, Sam frowned. That was unacceptable. He wanted, no needed Dean now, and he was telling him that they had to wait because there was no lube available. Fuck that. The first time they had sex they didn't use lube, either. Just saliva, and dammit they could do it again. 

"Dean, come on," he whined, grabbing his brother’s wrists and pushing them away from his chest, effectively stopping Dean from moving him. "The first time we had sex we didn't use lube, either. We can and we will do it here." His hands moved to the fastenings of Dean's jeans, working them open and tugging them down, raising just slightly so he could get the denim down to at least Dean's knees.

When Sam told him they were going to do it here, Dean's eyes widened, not entirely able to believe that Sam was mouthing off to him. Generally he saved that for when he was drunk or in a mood. Never when he was asking for sex. Usually that was when Sam was being on his best behavior because he knew how Dean could get. Though, in all honesty, the fact that Sam was actually being a little bossy, demanding, man handling Dean the way he was – it kind of turned Dean on. But he wasn't going to show that, instead frowning at the younger man, feigning annoyance. 

He easily shrugged Sam's hands off his wrists, pushing the younger man back so he could sit up on his elbows, his frown still plastered on his face. "I said no, Sam. I'm not going to run the risk of hurting you. We either do this my way, or not at all, you understand me?" His smile reappeared when Sam nodded, though he knew the younger man didn't like it, bitch face in full force. "All right," he nodded, hands roaming down his brother’s chest, pinching a nipple on the way down.

Quickly, Dean flipped them over so that he was lying on top of Sam, smiling as he inched down his brother’s body, kneeling on the floor beside the mattress. He took the time to yank Sam’s pants off the rest of the way before maneuvering Sam’s long legs so they were resting on either side of Dean. "You sure you don't want to have sex?" Sam asked, preferring to do that, though he supposed this was a good substitute.

"When we get lube, I'll have sex with you all you want," Dean assured him, nodding as he rested his hands on Sam's thighs. "But right now, I'm going to take care of you in a different way." Smiling, Dean took Sam's engorged, leaking cock into his hand, stroking the younger man slowly, almost teasingly so. "Lie back against the mattress a little bit more," he instructed, licking his lips as he watched the younger man do as he was told. 

Dean removed his hand from Sam's dick, shushing his human when he heard him whimper. His hands then slid around Sam's ass, sliding over the firm globes to his hips, tugging Sam down the bed a little so he could maneuver more comfortably in this position. After he had Sam where he wanted him, he allowed his hands to slide down the younger man's hips, caressing the smooth flesh of Sam's sides before he rested his hands once more on Sam's thighs. With one final smile shot towards Sam, Dean dipped his head, sucking the head of Sam's cock into his mouth.

Feeling Dean taking his penis into his mouth caused a loud moan to tear from Sam's throat, head dropping back as he squeezed his eyes closed in pleasure. God, it felt so good to have his brother’s mouth on him, sucking on him like he was a damn lollipop, or something. 

"Oh, Dean..." Sam gasped, one hand moving to fist in the too short strands of Dean's hair. "So good, babe. Don't stop, Dean, please? More..." Gently, he pulled Dean's head down, coaxing him to take more of his cock into his mouth, wanting to be surrounded by the moist heat that was slowly driving him crazy.

Moving his hand to grasp the base of Sam's shaft, Dean began to stroke the lower part of Sam's cock, slowly doing it as Sam was begging and taking in a few more inches of Sam's length. His head bobbed up and down gently, worried that Sam was going to lose it and just buck into his mouth and nearly choke him because he was so wired. Luckily, that hadn't happened yet, but there was always the possibility. Nevertheless, Dean took more of Sam in, not stopping until he had all of Sam down, throat relaxing as he swallowed, allowing the younger man to feel his throat work against the head of his penis.

As Dean worked Sam, his cheeks hollowed out, sucking hard, wanting to give the younger man the best damn blow job of his life. Meanwhile, one hand moved to cup Sam's balls, gently squeezing them before he rolled them between his fingers, humming around Sam's length all the while.

"Yeah...God," Sam moaned, hips thrusting shallowly into Dean's mouth, not wanting to hurt the other man. Right now, he just wanted to enjoy the fact that Dean was blowing him, and it was so damn good. 

Another moan tore from Sam's throat as he felt Dean fondling his balls, Sam's breaths beginning to once again come out in slow, shallow pants. He had already been unbelievably worked up before Dean started in on him, and now he was about ready to burst in an embarrassingly short amount of time. But his body felt like it hadn't been touched in weeks, so really could Dean blame him?!

"Oh, babe..." Sam warned, licking his suddenly too dry lips. "Dean...babe...gonna cum!" Not two seconds after his warning, Sam's body nearly convulsed as the first ribbon of cum shot out of his cock, coating Dean's throat. He continued to moan as Dean worked him through his orgasm, squeezing his balls every now and then, lips closed tightly around the base of his cock.

Once Sam came down from his post-orgasmic high, Dean wiped the little dribble of cum that had spilled from his lips off the corner of his mouth, watching lustfully as Sam pulled his clothes back on. He then climbed onto the bed, insisting that he didn't need Sam to take care of him as he wrapped his arms around Sam’s shoulders, pulling him in close against his chest. That could be saved for later – Sam was obviously tired and Dean had already come while he was blowing his brother. He was fine.

Stifling a yawn, Sam rolled onto his side, pressing his face into Dean’s neck so he could breathe in his brother’s scent while he slept. Honestly, he wasn’t really looking for much since he didn’t sleep all that well these days – maybe a few hours at the most. However, much to his surprise, he managed to sleep peacefully throughout the night, his ear pressed against Dean’s chest so he could listen to the steady _thumpthump_ of his brother’s beating heart.


	4. Chapter 4

** Three Months Later **

A deep sigh escaped Sam as he flopped down onto the king-sized bed he and Dean shared, the younger man smiling over at his brother who was currently on the phone. Instantly, Dean’s hand moved to Sam’s belly, stroking over the muscles there in greeting since he couldn’t actually say hello. Sam was all right with that though. He had homework that he should be starting, so he figured that it was best Dean was on the phone instead of distracting him. Of course, making Dean move his hand was the last thing Sam wanted, so he figured starting with the reading portion of his homework was going to be the best bet.

He got about three quarters of the way through his reading assignment when his brother hung up the phone and looked at him with a small, sad smile on his lips. “Hey Sammy, whatcha doin’?” he asked, sinking down on the bed so that he was lying next to his brother, face pressed into Sam’s neck so he could breathe in Sam’s scent. The news that he had just gotten was probably going to make his brother all jittery just like he always got when they spoke about their dad, but Dean needed to let his brother know.

Smiling, Sam turned his head so he could press his lips against Dean’s, letting the book he was reading slip out of his fingers. “Just some homework,” he answered, rolling onto his side so that he could look at Dean more comfortably. “But it can wait. Because I can tell by the way you’re looking at me that there’s something you wanna say. So, just spit it out, Dean.” His brother had never been very good at keeping secrets from him. Sure, he could last a few months, but he’d crack eventually. And Sam had been here for this conversation – he’d only caught snippets because he’d been doing his homework – but he knew something was up.

Damn his brother and his ability to read Dean’s mind. Yeah, there was something up, but Dean didn’t want his brother to know what it was just yet. He wanted Sam to be able to just relax after a long day of school first. If only Bobby had called him earlier – before Sam came home – this wouldn’t have happened. Still, he knew that if he didn’t spill his guts, Sam wasn’t going to let it go. Besides, John was his father too – Sam had a right to know.

It was just the small matter of trying to word it so Sam didn’t freak out. That was the hardest part. “Well Sammy,” Dean started, clearing his throat. He really didn’t want to do this. “That was Bobby on the phone. He said…there was an accident. It was a hunt gone wrong and…well, not everyone made it.”

“Oh my God, is Bobby okay?” Sam asked, pushing himself up onto his elbows now that he was kind of panicking. Bobby Singer had been like a father to him – better than his own father, really – and if something had happened to him, Sam wanted to go see him now. “Dean, if something happened to Bobby, we should head over there and make sure he’s okay. We can take a few days off school for family.” Sam knew Dean hated missing school – so did Sam really – but this was important.

Quickly, Dean leaned in and pressed his lips against Sam’s, getting the younger man to calm down. “Sammy, shhh,” he whispered, their foreheads pressed together as he ran his fingers through Sam’s shaggy hair. “Bobby’s fine. He wasn’t there. He was only told about it. But Sam, it’s…Dad was there.” Dean could finally call John Dad again now that he just found out this information. “He…he was possessed, Sam. The whole time you were with him. After I left, I guess a demon got the jump on him and he was possessed the whole time. Dad never hurt you, Sammy – it was the demon.”

Possessed? John had never attacked him after Dean left? But…Sam should have known. Tears sprang to Sam’s eyes as the realization dawned on him. He had been living with a demon for two years who beat him and raped him, and if Sam would have just paid closer attention, he would have known and there was a chance he could have saved their father. Turning his tear-filled eyes to Dean, Sam asked, “Is-Is Dad all right?”

God, Dean hated seeing Sam cry. The tears in Sam’s eyes were spilling over onto his cheeks now and Dean almost couldn’t stand it. Lying about it was his first impulse, but he knew he couldn’t do that. So instead, Dean brushed away a tear with his thumb and gave his head a small shake. “No, Sammy, he didn’t make it,” he explained, trying to be gentle, but at the same time rip the Band-Aid off quick. 

That was it – Sam’s breaking point. His face crumpled as his shoulders shook with sobs. This was his fault. If he hadn’t spent the last two years hating his father for what he’d done to him, then maybe he could have saved John from this fate. He allowed Dean to pull him into his embrace, Sam’s fingers twisting in his brother’s T-shirt as he cried, taking the comfort Dean was offering him. “S’my fault,” Sam whimpered softly as he pressed his face into Dean’s neck. “I did this.”

Hearing Sam blame himself for what happened to John, Dean pulled back, cupping Sam’s cheeks and giving his head a small shake. “Baby, it’s not your fault,” he assured his little brother. “You didn’t do anything wrong. Why would you think that?”

“Because I should have known,” Sam answered, sniffling as he gave his head another small shake. “I should have known that Dad wouldn’t hurt me. If I hadn’t spent the last two years hating and fearing him equally, then I would have seen this and I could have stopped it!” More tears spilled from his eyes and Dean continued to wipe at them, shaking his head and cooing soft noises to his brother.

Once he felt like he had Sam’s void clear of tears, Dean whispered, “Sammy, there wasn’t anything you could have done. You didn’t know. Hell, no one knew! Hunters who saw him every day didn’t even figure it out until it was too late.” Gently forcing his brother to look at him again, Dean reiterated, “There was nothing you could have done to stop this, Sam. For all we know, Dad was dead before he even came back to the motel he had you staying at. Okay? Stop blaming yourself for this.”

Although Sam didn’t really want to believe that he wasn’t to blame, he nodded, letting Dean know that he was going to stop. “Did-Did they give him a hunter’s funeral yet?” Sam finally asked, composing himself enough to get the sentence out. If they had, Sam was going to be a little upset. He wanted to be there – he needed to let John know that he forgave him. And sure, the man was dead, but Sam still needed to say it – even if it was just to his corpse.

Slowly, Dean shook his head. “No, Bobby wouldn’t let them,” he explained. “He thought that maybe you and I would like to be there when they did.” Really, Dean did want to be there – pay his respects to his father – but he wasn’t going to force Sam into doing something he didn’t want to. “Do you want to go?” Dean asked, biting into his bottom lip as he watched the emotions play over his brother’s features.

Sam didn’t even hesitate as he nodded. “Yeah, I want to go,” he assured Dean, pushing himself away from the bed and starting to pack his duffel. They were going to be gone a few days because they were driving there. He’d found out last month that his brother didn’t fly, so that was out of the question. But missing a few extra days because they were driving wasn’t going to matter. He just wanted to be there when it happened.

**~~**

When they arrived at the salvage yard, they were both greeted with a hug from Bobby. The older hunter looked haggard and weary – like he was barely holding on to his sanity. Dean could certainly relate. Bobby and John were pretty close friends, so he could only imagine how Bobby felt. After all, he and John hadn’t been close since he left for college. And Sam – well, the younger man had admitted to hating John for the last two years. Bobby didn’t harbor any bad feelings for the other hunter as far as Dean knew.

They were silent for the most part as Bobby led them outside to the back of the house where John’s body was already wrapped in gasoline-soaked sheets on a pyre, ready to be set on fire. Dean could feel Sam tense beside him, the younger man’s eyes filling with tears once more. “Sammy,” he whispered, stroking his brother’s arm. “You don’t have to be here if you don’t want to be.”

Shaking his head, Sam answered, “Yes, I do.” Sniffling, Sam glanced at the ground before he met Dean’s gaze once more, tears sliding down his cheeks again. “Can I just…have a minute alone with him? Please?” He mimicked Dean’s actions when his brother nodded, letting Dean know that he appreciated it. 

His eyes trailed over his father’s body, Sam sniffling once more as he placed his hand on the corpse. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered, biting into his bottom lip. “I should have realized something was wrong. I-I should have known that you would never hurt me like that. And then I left and…this is my fault.” He broke down then, shoulders once again shaking as he cried.

A few seconds later, Sam felt his brother’s hands on his shoulders, leading him away from their father’s body before Bobby lit the match and John was ablaze. As Sam cried into Dean’s shoulder, a single tear slid down Dean’s cheek. Their father was dead, and although they were going back to Stanford and they were going to finish their semesters and get their degrees, nothing was ever going to be the same again.

Dean wasn’t exactly sure how he felt about that.


End file.
